ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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