So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bring me that man meat
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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