In the future we'll all be gay
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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