I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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