Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
