Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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