I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize