I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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