He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
