....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
