you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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