you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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