awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
