He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
