Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize