there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
