his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
