I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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