I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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