Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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