why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
