Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
