It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
