I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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