She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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