Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need a beard to bite.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
