they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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