Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
