Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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