This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
4 words: hood of his car
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize