I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
