I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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