I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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