I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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