I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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