I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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