my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
