I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
