so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
