yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
