I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
