Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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