just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Found the puke drawer
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
