One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
