I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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