He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
