IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
