How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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