I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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