Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
