No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
