Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
