Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
