just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
