Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
