So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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