Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
