i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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