So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
