The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
