oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
