Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
