i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
