If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
