i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
