Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
