I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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