I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
