Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
